Hubby was not able to attend the appointment and I went to UKMSC with my niece. I have already taken 2 days leave just to prepare for any result! We reached the clinic around 12.30pm and I was no 12 on the list already. The clinic started at 4pm.
Sakit pinggang started that nite and it was persistant up to the appointment day. Selalunya bila banyak jalan sakit pinggang and if I baring sekejap dia akan hilang. But this time, terus-terusan sakit. I was so stressed out and could feel that my babies would not stick around. I did not say anything to my niece, I kept quite and prayed hard... After lunch, we went to the Ibnu Sina surau and stayed there until 5.00pm.
We went to UKMSC and waited ant the waiting lounge. I went to the toilet and...... there was stain on my pantyliner, it was 5.26pm. I went back to the waiting lounge and trying hard to hold my tears. I whatsssup Hubby what was happening, then he called, I said I could not talk and told him I would call later. I texted again,
Me: Sorry, tak leh cakap takut nangis..
Hubby: Sedihnya berlinang airmata Abg..
Hubby: Abg nangis...
During the whole time I was trying very hard to control my tears... I was called at around 7pm and by then the stain had become much more as I went to the toilet again. I managed not to cry when Prof asked, how r u?... I told prof that I had just got stain around 5.30pm just now. He was quite surprised and said it was already 4 weeks after the transfer.. He asked the routine questions and insist on blood test. He could not find anything during the ultrasound.. By then, I was sure that I failed again, but Prof still want me to wait for the blood test.
I was to continue with the medication until the blood test result came out. During the whole time I was controlling my tears and did not say a word to my niece. My niece, Macamana Cik Ngah? I said, Berita kurang baik, kena buat blood test to confirm...'. During the journey back home, airmata dah tergenang but still tak menitis... Cik Ngah nak dinner apa?, my niece asked. Tak per, Cik Ngah mkn roti ajer..
Sebenarnya I was just wanna got home to cry. So I asked them to sent me home and they can proceed to dinner. Sampai rumah, masuk bilik and I cried. But not crying out loud as I expected, crying softly!!! I stayed in the room and only came out to get something to drink and eat. Hari sabtu baru keluar dari bilik! My niece understood that I need to be alone so she just let me be... Thank you dear... Selama perintah berkurung tu FRIENDS the series menjadi peneman!
Hubby yang call for the blood test result tu, and it was negative as I expected.. On Saturday, I went out to fetch my car that Hubby parked at the office, went to IOI and get my haircut, hair treatment, pedicure and manicure....
Up till now, my period still coming, but sikit-sikit macam biasa and my boobs still hurt sometimes. Sakit pinggang sangat, however Panadol Menstrual dah cukup utk penahan sakit. Still waiting for it to come out... belum lagi ada ketul2 keluar....
That was the end of my FET....
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| I am trying very hard to absorb this fate as the best thing for me.... Allah knows best.... |
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| Alhamdulillah...... |
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