Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Masa dan Keberkatan....

Ever notice how one person who is so busy but can still manage do so many things in a day, and the other person who is not so busy but when look back only manage to do lesser things in a day?

Today as of many other days before this, I would read Prof Kamil blog, reading thru what he can accomplished in his daily life. I was wondering, how did he manage to do so many good things in a day. And compare to me as an ordinary working executive, what did I manage to do today beside my daily work? Just work!

And furthermore tak cukup waktu kerja utk siapkan kerja sepatutnya sehingga tidak sempat menghadiri ceramah agama yang diadakan hari ini. Saya ingin menghadirinya, tapi dengan kesibukan kerja, saya terlupa. Kenapa saya tidak terpilih untuk berada dalam majlis ilmu yang penuh rahmat dan berkat itu?

Ianya berkaitan dengan keberkatan. Prof Kamil adalah satu contoh dimana hidupnya penuh dengan keberkatan. Bila hidup diberkati, masa kita diberkati, dengan tanpa disedari kita akan banyak ruang waktu untuk berbuat kebaikan.Pintu-pintu rahmat terbuka untu kita kutip, ada ruang waktu untuk berbuat kebaikan atau menghadiri majlis-majlis ibadah. Tapi ini tidak berlaku pada saya hari ini, dapat hidayah kerana memang saya ingin hadir, tapi Allah takdirkan saya lupa....

Sebagai orang Islam, kita perlu mencapai tahap kehidupan yang berkat ini. I need to look back or muhasabah diri untuk memperbaiki my way of life baik dalam ibadah, rumahtangga, kerjaya dan juga hidup bermasyarakat. InsyaAllah, perlu berusaha, berdoa dan bertawaqal...

Sunday, April 26, 2009

The Treatment..

After the tumour marker test which I dah story here, I know that things are getting worst, Hubby suggested to go to our previous gynae and ready to have an operation which we have been trying to avoid since September 2007, however I tak berapa setuju since the gynae is specialise in cancer and if we were to have fertility treatment, it would be very costly in that hospital.

In between hunting for gynae, still try alternative treatments. Then after so many times convincing hubby, he agreed to go to the gynae I proposed. Went to see the gynae in December, then schedule for the operation in January. To be exact January 8th 2009.

After the operation which is called "adenomyomectomy", the nice doctor revealed that the disease was so bad that it has affected my usus and organ sekeliling. He said, 'I cannot imagine how much in pain you were in. You were bleeding so much during the operation, byk luka kat uterus. Kalau you tak ckp yg you wanna try to have kids, I would have removed the whole thing! " It was that bad!!! However, thank you Allah, that I have survived the operation.

Now I am on zoladex to actually 'rest' my reproductive system. Tak der period since February. So pain no more but with hot flushes and sakit-sakit sendi and gaining weight every month!! My next injection will be on May the 11th.

I now carry 'kipas' in my handbag. Could not remember sapa yg bagi kipas tu dulu, but it was from China and on my office desk since I tak ingat bila.. then this year, it was a blessing jumpa that thing in one of my stationery things.. Thank soo much sapa yg bagi tu..May Allah bless you, whoever you are...

Now the hot flushes getting less hotter and emerge less regularly, may be because I religiously take 'organic wheat-grass powder' juice every morning. The green juice is said to help reduce menopausal symptoms.

Itulah sedikit sebanyak apa yg berlaku in between my silence since September 2008. Living in pain for almost 9 years has thought me so many things. Learning how to control the pain, speaking to yourself to make your feel better, driving in pain and being alone in pain... Allah is always near to me, only to HIM that I can ask for mercy.At the time when I just don't know what to do to reduce the pain, I cried myself to sleep with zikrullah... Those were the times....

Bila tiada kesakitan, membuatkan diri ini lupa berzikir dan jarang bertahajud dan merayu pada Yang Kuasa... Kasih sayang Allah melimpah padaku, diberinya sakit lain pulak agar aku tidak terus-terusan melupakanNya...

Ya Allah Ya Rahman Ya Rahim, Ampunkanlah diriku dan rahmatilah aku dengan rahmat MU yang paling baik.... Amin..

Saturday, April 25, 2009

The Beginning - Again?

Hemm, what to say? It has been a lonnnng time since my last posting. In fact after only 2 postings, then I pulled out again from writing.. Why? Entahlah, tiada jawapan yang pasti!!

So this is the beginning again..

Why? Just a few hours back, I was sitting on the sofa, not sitting actually, baring. I am down with flu, sakit tekak, running nose and sakit kepala.Suddenly it just clicked that, Allah maha menyayangi. Masa dok sakit every month previously, I almost never down with flu.What clicked is that, Allah never left me without something for me to remember him and pahala for me to gain from the sickness and pain which Allah bless upon me. I am endo pain free since January, on hormon treatment for 6 injections on Zoladex. Now I am on 4th injection. InsyaAllah will write something on the treatment...

Being endo pain free, sometimes make me far from HIM..bila leka, Allah then anugerah me with sakit lain pulak. Start kerja after medical leave for a month after the operation - 'adenomyoctomy', sakit atas bahu tengkok, belakang, and my right hand tak boleh angkat benda, handbag pun berat for me.. that was February & March.Now the bahu is getting beter..leka again then the flu!! heeemmm.. Allah sayang!

Ya Allah, ampunkan hamba mu ini. I am His servant yang susah utk beribadat kepadanya. Malas utk baca Quran, sembahyang sunat, tahajud... I have a lot to ask from HIM and yet why I am soooooooo malas...

Sakit itu nikmatkan? Bila kita sabar dan redho, InsyaAllah byk ganjaran utk saham diakhirat esok..May be this is how I can gain pahala again, and again....

My throat closing on me with pain, mata hidung berair...sooo not comfortable. Received sms from hubby asking how I am and asked me to go to klinik. I said ok.But dah kul 7pm, still tak pegi..Sorry dear, so tak larat...