The Treatment..

After the tumour marker test which I dah story here, I know that things are getting worst, Hubby suggested to go to our previous gynae and ready to have an operation which we have been trying to avoid since September 2007, however I tak berapa setuju since the gynae is specialise in cancer and if we were to have fertility treatment, it would be very costly in that hospital.

In between hunting for gynae, still try alternative treatments. Then after so many times convincing hubby, he agreed to go to the gynae I proposed. Went to see the gynae in December, then schedule for the operation in January. To be exact January 8th 2009.

After the operation which is called "adenomyomectomy", the nice doctor revealed that the disease was so bad that it has affected my usus and organ sekeliling. He said, 'I cannot imagine how much in pain you were in. You were bleeding so much during the operation, byk luka kat uterus. Kalau you tak ckp yg you wanna try to have kids, I would have removed the whole thing! " It was that bad!!! However, thank you Allah, that I have survived the operation.

Now I am on zoladex to actually 'rest' my reproductive system. Tak der period since February. So pain no more but with hot flushes and sakit-sakit sendi and gaining weight every month!! My next injection will be on May the 11th.

I now carry 'kipas' in my handbag. Could not remember sapa yg bagi kipas tu dulu, but it was from China and on my office desk since I tak ingat bila.. then this year, it was a blessing jumpa that thing in one of my stationery things.. Thank soo much sapa yg bagi tu..May Allah bless you, whoever you are...

Now the hot flushes getting less hotter and emerge less regularly, may be because I religiously take 'organic wheat-grass powder' juice every morning. The green juice is said to help reduce menopausal symptoms.

Itulah sedikit sebanyak apa yg berlaku in between my silence since September 2008. Living in pain for almost 9 years has thought me so many things. Learning how to control the pain, speaking to yourself to make your feel better, driving in pain and being alone in pain... Allah is always near to me, only to HIM that I can ask for mercy.At the time when I just don't know what to do to reduce the pain, I cried myself to sleep with zikrullah... Those were the times....

Bila tiada kesakitan, membuatkan diri ini lupa berzikir dan jarang bertahajud dan merayu pada Yang Kuasa... Kasih sayang Allah melimpah padaku, diberinya sakit lain pulak agar aku tidak terus-terusan melupakanNya...

Ya Allah Ya Rahman Ya Rahim, Ampunkanlah diriku dan rahmatilah aku dengan rahmat MU yang paling baik.... Amin..