The One with the Blood Test...

This posting was long overdue, it should be continuation from the post The much-awaited-doctor-appointment. Lets start the cerita ceriti about my 2nd IVF attempt.

Well actually when Prof said that I was in my 4th week, I was quite surprised since according to the calculation I made from the ivf calculator from this site : IVF Calculator I should be in my 6th week. That was actually the 1st sign saying that I am not pregnant!

The next day, Hubby called the hospital and when he called me, he said, 'Sabar byk2 yer M**, the blood test was negative...'. Surprisingly I did not cry, I just sigh and said, 'Ok. I'll be ok, nak buat macamana dah tak der rezeki...'. That was it..another failed attempt.

 I could not remember when was exactly I actually cried and cried, but I did, not immediately but might be 2 or 3 days after that. It was during Ramadhan then..Prof did tell my husband that I had just to wait for the sac to 'keluar'! In other words wait for my period...

I have 3 more embryos in the freezer, the 2nd attempt should be my last, however since there are more embryos I will proceed for my last attempt. When? tengok budget dulu, but it should be in the 2nd quater this year, 2011.

Meanwhile I proceed to seek treatment from Mak Jah. She is quite confident that insyaAllah, ada rezeki nanti, because my eggs are okay and good. So try jerlah, I went to see her weekly, Mak Jah check perut and give jamu according to my condition.

In conclusion I think my big problem is my uterus, it is not healthy and that was why the baby cannot attached to my uterus. Surface of my uterus is not smooth according to the scope done by Prof before my 2nd attempt. So, my plan is to proceed treatment with Mak Jah and if does not materialised by Appril, I will proceed with the last attempt in May or Jun. I hope with Mak Jah's help the condition of my uterus will improve, InsyaAllah.

Till my next treatment.....

The One with the SMS

Today 3rd Feb, the day after my birthday and 1st day of chinese new year. I stayed at home spring cleaning the kitchen! And in the evening went out to fetch my sister and her daughter. She will be spending her CNY break at my petite villa. Her husband and 2 other kids went back to Ulu Tembeling, his hometown.

The pain has really come back, I guess. Morning I was fine, but the pain started towards the evening and night. Just popped put Panadol Menstrual again..Still in pain while I was writing this entry...Get to get use to the pain again...Alhamdulillah Panadol Menstrual currently is enough to control the pain...Will I be going back to Arcoxia 120mg and injection again to control the pain? Only time will tell and only He knows...

While I was busy cleaning the kitchen, SMS came in. Guess what? It was from Hubby. The SMS said;

" Mintak maaf banyak2..dari hari semlm bergaduh..nak pulak dia tahu semlm birthday m**. Masalahnya dia orang semua cuti seminggu,itulah yang merenget nak balik kmpg..suruh balik dulu tak nak pulak...dugaan betul. Kalau ikut tak sabar dah mcm2 boleh jadi..abg mintak maaf banyak..memang semlm nk balik puc dan hari ni baru balik kmpg. Selamat hari lahir..semoga umur yang ada diberkatiNya dan dimurahkan rezeki dan diberikan kesihatan yang baik untuk beribadah kepadaNya."

I didn't reply the SMS..just let it be...and my doa;

'Ya Allah Ya Rahman Ya Rahim, jika benar aku dianiayai, kau tunjukkanlah kebenaran dan berilah petunjuk dan hidayah kepada mereka yang menganiayai. Sesungguhnya Engkau Maha Adil, maka anugerahkanllah ganjaran yg setimpal bagi mereka jika mereka yg menganiyai dan aku jika aku yang dianiyai mereka.....Amin Ya Rabbil Alamin"

Mission acomplished today to clean up the kitchen and do the laundry. Tomorrow to continue a little bit more in the kitchen and also to spring cleaning the ironing room i.e the smallest room in the house that I used as ironing and almost like a store room! My mission for CNY break =  Spring cleaning the house!

Till the next entry....

The One with the Birthdate = 02-02-2011

My 42nd birthday and Hubby was not around, and no wish from him. Sad? I am, but I am not going to let it ruin my day and my holidays... On leave due to Chinese New Year. As expected, bila cuti sama ngan cuti sekolah, sangat susah utk mengharap dia akan balik. Cuti kerja, giliran pun cuti!!! Panjang cuti, lamalah tak jumpa dia..

I did ask him on Tuesday the 1st Feb, balik tak esok? Dia kata tak tahu lagi..I asked him to baliklah sebab nanti dah Chinese New Year sampai weekend dah sure dia tak boleh balik and it was my turn anyway.Tengoklah katanya...I was hoping he would consider since it was my birhday....Tapi harapan tinggal harapan...

Hari ni pulak sakit dah datang, actually sejak semalam lagi. Buat tak tahu dan buat sibuk jer..Pagi I went shopping for groceries and also bought me a new pair of sandals and a watch! My nephews and nieces from Trengganu called wishing me happy birthday..The whole shopping time, I was in pain but manage to control the pain.

Balik rumah, try to still endure the pain but finnaly gave in and took Panadol Menstrual...Lama jugak baru okay but still not painless but bearable. Syukur tak payah top up the pain killers with arcoxia!! While I am writing this, the pain is creeping back, dah lebih 4 jam dah..Will try to sleep instead without taking another dose of Panadol..

If I would took what happend today seriously, I mean with the pain, waiting and expecting Hubby to come home, expecting him to wish me or plan to surprise me! But nothing from him...I would have crying myself to sleep. But I choose not too..

My sms conversations with him today;

- At 10.44 am I send him sms 'out to ioi', but no reply..

- At 5.28pm I send another message 'Salam...balik ker tak hari ni?', again no reply..

- At 7.27pm I send another message ' Balik ker tak?'

- At 8.09pm, got a reply from him ' Kat kampung..', I was soo kecik hati!!! then I replied

- 'Sampai hati, kerjalah hari ni, esok boleh balik kg, cuti lama..memang tak consider perasaan m**** langsung...

- no reply from him...I expect him to go to work today so that he can come home!!!

- At 12.37am I send another sms ' Hemm...no wish from suami sendiri..tak per...'

So that was how my birthday went by this year....

Syukur ya Allah kenara aku masih bernyawa dan mampu untuk meneruskan kehidupan dibumimu ini...Ampunkan daku dan rahmatilah aku dgn rahmat mu yg paling baik... Amiin..