I don't know why, but this week everything seem to happen not to my advantage! Dah lama tak rasa tension, uneasy & angry! Should I be patient and accepting to all, should I do something to make him understand? should I run away from all this. Tambah pula this week the pain has started creeping up down my spine, my back and my thigh. Ya Allah, did i do something terribly wrong?
Selepas solat Subuh tadi, with so much anger in myself I prayed, ' Ya Allah, sesungguhnya aku terasa teraniaya, Kau balaslah dengan balasan yang setimpal dgn org yag menganiayaku, Kau tunjukkanlah kebenarannya, beri petunjuk dan hidayah kepada mereka Ya Allah, ampunkan daku Ya Allah'.
Then I continued to sit on the sejadah, tears streaming down my cheek thinking and finding way out of this empty marriage. Yes, my marriage! Berdosa ker bila itu yang datang dalam fikiran? Frankly speaking, I feel that this marriage is empty, tiada pengisian.
Hubby dear! I am hoping and longing for a marriage where we do things together. Things other then eat and sleeping together. I did ask you to teach me or listen to my Quran reading, just once a week, I did ask you to give me tazkirah after our jemaah, I did ask you to bring me to any majlis ilmu or to masjid for prayer and kuliah, I did ask you lets exercise together, shopping for groceries together, bukan selalu, sekali sekala pun tak per.... Were those permintaan so hard for you?
I am still waiting for you to change for the better, I am not saying that I am a good wife, in all aspect, but it seem to me that you took me for granted. You did and arranged things to your convenience and expect me to understand and accepting all your decisions...
I am so tired, bosan rasanya. Ya Allah bantulah hambamu....
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