The One with the Sad, sad week...

I don't know why, but this week everything seem to happen not to my advantage! Dah lama tak rasa tension, uneasy & angry! Should I be patient and accepting to all, should I do something to make him understand? should I run away from all this. Tambah pula this week the pain has started creeping up down my spine, my back and my thigh. Ya Allah, did i do something terribly wrong?

Selepas solat Subuh tadi, with so much anger in myself I prayed,  ' Ya Allah, sesungguhnya aku terasa teraniaya, Kau balaslah dengan balasan yang setimpal dgn org yag menganiayaku, Kau tunjukkanlah kebenarannya, beri petunjuk dan hidayah kepada mereka Ya Allah, ampunkan daku Ya Allah'.

Then I continued to sit on the sejadah, tears streaming down my cheek thinking and finding way out of this empty marriage. Yes, my marriage! Berdosa ker bila itu yang datang dalam fikiran? Frankly speaking, I feel that this marriage is empty, tiada pengisian. 

Hubby dear! I am hoping and longing for a marriage where we do things together. Things other then eat and sleeping together. I did ask you to teach me or listen to my Quran reading, just once a week, I did ask you to give me tazkirah after our jemaah, I did ask you to bring me to any majlis ilmu or to masjid for prayer and kuliah, I did ask you lets exercise together, shopping for groceries together, bukan selalu, sekali sekala pun tak per.... Were those permintaan so hard for you?

I am still waiting for you to change for the better, I am not saying that I am a good wife, in all aspect,  but it seem to me that you took me for granted. You did and arranged things to your convenience and expect me to understand and accepting all your decisions...

I am so tired, bosan rasanya. Ya Allah bantulah hambamu.... 

The One with the Earthquake...September 30th, 2009

I was in the office when it happened, mula-mula ingatkan pening since I was the only one terasa, bangun looked around, colleague yang ada semua macam tak der apa2, dok bercakap. So I sat down again, rasa lagi, bangun balik. Dia orang macam tak der aper2 ajer...I sat down again dan teruskan kerja, pening kot! Then bunyi bising, one of the colleague said, Turun, turun gempa..lar patutlah!!!

This is not the first time that I felt the earthquake! I think it was 3 or 4 years back, I was sleeping at home when I felt the bed swaying! Seram rasa mula-mulanya, dalam fikiran ada gangguan 'hantu'! Ku baca jer apa yang teringat, tapi makin galak katil bergoyang. Then I heard bising2 kat luar, terus bangun then I saw things aroud me were swaying....Masa tu ingat satu jer, dah nak mati ker ni? Inikah masanya? Beginikan penyudahnya kehidupan ku di dunia? ... Airmata bercucuran, I was alone at that time..Bangun, sarung jubah dan pakai tudung, ikut turun melalui tangga with my handphone.

Bila sampai bawah, ramai dah penduduk berkumpul, ada yg with baju tidur, ada yg without selipar..me? berpakaian lengkap! Anyway after that experience, dalam 2, 3 hari jugaklah airmata tergenang bila bercerita pengalaman tu...

Things happened for reasons right? Sometimes Allah has warned us, kita tak realized pun until those things happened. I received this email yang mengaitkan those earthquakes with Al Quran verses...Here it goes...:

Gempa di Padang jam 17.16, gempa susulan 17.58, esoknya gempa di Jambi jam 8.52. Coba lihat Al-Qur?an!? demikian bunyi pesan singkat yang beredar. Siapa pun yang membuka Al-Qur?an dengan tuntunan pesan singkat tersebut akan merasa kecil di hadapan Allah Swt. Demikian ayatayat Allah Swt tersebut:

17.16 (QS. Al Israa? ayat 16):

Dan jika Kami hendak membinasakan suatu negeri, maka Kami perintahkan kepada orang-orang yang hidup mewah di negeri itu (supaya mentaati Allah) tetapi mereka melakukan kedurhakaan dalam negeri itu, maka sudah sepantasnya berlaku terhadapnya perkataan (ketentuan Kami), kemudian Kami hancurkan negeri itu sehancur-hancurnya. ?

17.58 (QS. Al Israa? ayat 58):

Tak ada suatu negeri pun (yang durhaka penduduknya) , melainkan Kami membinasakannya sebelum hari kiamat atau Kami azab (penduduknya) dengan azab yang sangat keras. Yang demikian itu telah tertulis di dalam kitab (Lauh Mahfuz).?

8.52 (QS. Al Anfaal: 52):

(Keadaan mereka) serupa dengan keadaan Fir?aun dan pengikut-pengikutny a serta orang-orang sebelumnya. Mereka mengingkari ayat-ayat Allah, maka Allah menyiksa mereka disebabkan disebabkan dosa-dosanya. Sesungguhnya Allah Maha Kuat lagi Amat Keras siksaan-Nya. ?

sumber; eramuslim
Perlakuan buruk manusia mengundang bala/ bencana terjadi

 Adakah bala dan ujian Allah datang tanpa dijemput? Pernahkah kita mengangkat kedua-dua tapak tangan ke langit untuk memohon bala dan ujian Allah SWT? Mestilah kita katakan tidak pernah. Hakikatnya, kita menjemput bala Allah tanpa disedari. Kita menyeru bala Allah dengan membanyakkan zina, menyebarkan budaya minum arak, memperkayakan kehidupan dengan mata pencarian haram, meninggalkan arahan Allah, melakukan segala larangan Allah, budaya keseronokan (hiburan) dan pembuangan bayi menyebabkan turunnya bala dan ujian Allah, sedangkan kita tidak menyedarinya.

Sebenarnya kita hanya diberi bala dan ujian yang kecil Allah jika dibandingkan bala Allah kepada Kaum Ad, Thamud, kaum Nuh, kaum Hud dan umat terdahulu sehingga mereka tidak meninggalkan generasi sehingga hari ini.

Firman Allah yang bermaksud, "Dan apa jua yang menimpa kamu dari sesuatu kesusahan (atau bala bencana) maka ia adalah disebabkan oleh apa yang kamu lakukan (perbuatan salah dan berdosa) dan (dalam pada itu) Allah memaafkan sebahagian daripada dosa kamu." (As-Syura: 30)

Sabda Rasulullah SAW: "Tidak menghalang sesuatu kaum itu daripada mengeluarkan harta melainkan mereka menghalang langit daripada menurunkan hujan, kalaulah tidak kerana binatang (di muka bumi) nescaya langit pasti tidak menurunkan hujan selama-lamanya. "

Maksud hadis, daripada Ali bin Abi Thalib r.a., Rasullulah s.a.w. bersabda: "Apabila umatku membuat 15 perkara, maka bala pasti akan turun kepada mereka, iaitu:
·  Apabila harta negara hanya beredar kepada orang tertentu.
·  Apabila amanah dijadikan suatu sumber keuntungan.
·  Zakat dijadikan hutang.
·  Suami turut kehendak isteri.
·  Anak derhaka kepada ibunya.
·  Anak lebih baik terhadap kawan.
·  Anak suka menjauhkan diri daripada ayah.
·  Suara ditinggikan di dalam masjid.
·  Ketua kaum adalah yang terhina di antara mereka.
·  Seseorang dimuliakan kerana ditakuti kejahatannya.
·  Arak diminum di merata tempat.
·  Kain sutera banyak dipakai oleh lelaki.
·  Artis jadi pujaan.
·  Muzik banyak dimainkan.

While you are sleeping...

I got this article from a friend. Heemmm, made me looked back of how many times that I did fall asleep without actually prepared to sleep. Tertiduuur... Fortunately those were not the last nites!!!One more thing, we need to be gratefull for a nice peaceful sleep as we don't know when the 'nikmat' of sleeping will be taken away!!

Ok, next is the article I was babling about....

Do you know what happens when you sleep?

Allah says in the Quran:

It is Allah that takes the souls (of men) at death; and those that die not (He takes) during their sleep: those on whom He has passed the decree of death, He keeps back (from returning to life), but the rest He sends (to their bodies) for a term appointed. Verily in his are signs for those who reflect.
Quran, Chapter 39 verse 42

This means:

Every time you sleep, Allah takes your souls, amongst many other souls he takes during sleeping. Then Allah decides who is going to be given another chance. For those who are blessed with another chance, Allah will permit their souls to go back to their bodies, the rest he keeps back from returning to life i.e.they die.

This means:

Each time you go to bed you should never be sure you will get up again, you ONLY have 50% chance for coming back to life.

This means

Each time you go to bed you should be prepared for your hereafter.

This means:

When you wake up the next day you should appreciate how lucky (blessed) you are. And say 'Blessed be the One(Allah) who returned my soul to my body, and granted me another chance'. This is what the prophet PBUH used to say after waking up. This means: when you wake up the next day you should make sure you utilize the new day as much as you can before sleep time comes; the new day you are living could be the last chance you are given!

This means:

You should try to make sure you recite sura AL-MULK (chapter 67) before sleeping, because the prophet PBUH promised that one who reads this sura before sleeping is saved from the punishment of the grave. May Allah forgive us all and bless us with a happy life in this dunya and the hereafter.

Aameen.

The One with the Neighbours..

Imagine, pulang dari kerja at about 9.30pm disambut dengan air kencing kucing didepan rumah! Ya Allah sabar jerlah. This is not the first time!

1st time, air kencing kucing dalam one plastic box yang I placed in front of my door dalam grill, not outside the grill, to letak all slippers or kasut yang selalu dipakai.Lain-lain dalam shoe kabinetlah. Balik rumah terbau kencing kucing, hidu punya hidu realised that box tu basah.Sah, kena kencing kucing. Ok tak per, I basuh balik semuanya...

2nd time, I just bought clark wedges for about 1 month, tapi jaranglah pakai.Masih baru lah, one day in hurry to the office just pakai jer kasut tu. In the meeting, I realised that my skin colour socks ada colour hitam pulak, pegang rupa-rupanya basah. Then terhidu bau tu lagi! sah kena lagi. Punyalah tension!!Just imagine, I need to wet the shoes or soak it to actually remove the smell..Penat pancut air kuat-kuat kat kasut tu.Susah betul nak hilangkan bau tu..

3rd time was last nite, I did place lapik kaki kat depan grill my front door. Sampai depan rumah masa nak bukak kunci grill dah bau punya kuat.Tengok2 lapik kaki tu basah dengan air kencing kucing.Mind you before this, satu lapik kaki dah terpaksa buang sebab dah basuh pun tak hilang bau. Sabar jelah... Again I have to clean the shoe box, the lapik kaki and kaki lima depan my front door tu. Malam-malam buta dok basuh kaki lima. One of my sandal kena buang last nite, sebab lepas basuh pun tak boleh hilang bau!

Apparently, one of the neighbours ada bela kucing, bukan my front door ajer, tapi ada beberapa jiran lain kena najis kucing!! My apartment is at the end from the lift. So dlm perjalanan to my apartment, disambut dengan bau najis kucing.Tempat berak kucing dia letak kat kaki lima!! Kalau ikutkan apartment mana boleh bela kucing? Tapi kalau nak bela jugak, jgn lepas kucing tu kat luar, kencing dan berak merata!!!

Memang menguji kesabaran betul. Islam mengajar kita supaya menghormati dan jangan menyusahkan jiran. Kenapa kita, orang Melayu Islam tidak mengambil berat hal-hal yang sesungguhnya amat dititik berat oleh Islam.

Hemm, enough of my rambling!! Memang geram..